I took my sluttiness to a whole new level.
Fuck.

I slept with my closest guy friend. I found out afterwards it was his virginity, and we were both absolutely fucked.
He'd drank like a whole bottle of whiskey and I had most of a bottle of gin, plus endless spliffs.
Bad idea.
I don't even know how it happened. Neither does he. It was so unexpected and random and fuck.
And now I kind of like him a little bit. Probably just because he's my friend so we've actually spoken since (a first for guys I've slept with, they normally ignore me afterwards).
But now I feel so awkward, he's seen me completely naked.
At least the other guys barely see me again so I don't feel as self conscious. I'll have to see him all the time knowing he's seen my obesity.

I'm going back to the same therapist on Wednesday, they sent me back to the same one without even really asking why I stopped going. I guess now it's time to start being honest.
I feel like I've lost my mind. I'm sleeping with a knife, not even under my pillow, I can't sleep if it's not in my hand. I don't know what I feel I need protection against, but it's the only thing that makes me feel safe.
My arm is fucked up. And I booked my holiday to Portugal the other day, so by July I have to be bikini ready bodily, and with clean arms. Hah; that's never going to happen.
I don't really know what else to write, I know I have so much to say. But my thoughts just aren't fluent anymore. I don't understand what's going on in there.
I just feel like I'm clouded over. I don't even feel like it's me in my body, I kind of detach myself from my body.

Back to school tomorrow. I haven't done my coursework, I got a massive extension, which I've missed, and I've avoided my teachers since. I'm going to fail. Or maybe get kicked off the subject. Maybe I'll get kicked out of sixth form. It probably wouldn't bother me that much. It all seems pretty pointless.
Everything just seems a bit pointless now.