Back, again..

Wow, it's been months since I last posted on here.
I know I keep flitting back and forward on here, but I think I might be back to stay this time.
I really helped me last time, I didn't feel like it was working at the time, but looking back over the photos I took of myself this time last year, I would do anything to be that weight again. I wish I'd appreciated it back then. I wish I'd gone out in skimpy outfits and been proud of how tiny I was, instead of just hating myself and feeling fat.
Cos now I am fat. Fat fat. I've gained so much weight in the past year, it's disgusting.
No wonder my boyfriend left me. He was the reason I 'recovered', he was the reason I started eating more and gained weight. And ultimately he left me because I gained too much. He fell in love with me and my lowest weight, when eating in front of him made me cry, and I was too weak to function properly. Clearly that's what guys like, who wants a fat healthy girl right?

So yeah, here I am. I've popped online every now and then to check up on your blogs, but not recently. I need to get updated and see who still uses this site, see who's still here.

I won't post my weight it's too embarrassing. Maybe in a few months when I'm more acceptable.
I'm meeting my ex next Thursday for a drink. I'm being optimistic and hoping I can lose something by then. Obviously I'm not gonna lose stones, but even half a stone would make some difference, I hope?

I'll update again tomorrow hopefully. I need to get some control over my life back. I feel uncontrollable, literally unstoppable. I don't even know what's happened to me. I'm a complete trainwreck. And maybe losing weight will make me happier, more confident. Help me find someone to love me again. I'm so bloody lonely.