Vent

I'm not usually particularly poetic, but today I feel that in light of my recent failure, which on day 1 makes me truly pathetic, I may just take a moment to express my feelings.

I CANNOT BELIEVE I RUINED IT ALREADY! I actually shouldn't be allowed in public until I learn self control. Anything that looks like it might be tasty I will just eat, it's disgusting. At dinner my own dad had to remind me that I'm meant to be losing weight when I asked for cheese with my meal. It's embarrassing when instead of telling you that you're perfect as you are, your dad aids your weight loss and supports you. I never thought I was noticably large before this. Of course I've never been skinny, but I always thought I fell into the 'average' weight. Not skinny, but not fat either. Just chubby and unremarkable. Nothing special.
I realise I was wrong.
I'm fat.
Of course I'm fat. The last guy I truly liked, JR, remains to be the only person, other than a stranger when I was drunk in Newquay, who has seen me topless. He only saw me topless once, whilst we were going out, and the next time after that occasion when I saw him he split up with me. Clearly he hadn't realised how large I was until that moment either.
This is why I have to lose weight by this summer. I plan to go out in summer, and meet the guy of my dreams. I watched 'The Notebook' last week, it was such a beautiful film. I want to find a love like that this summer, and nobody will ever love the fat girl, so weight loss will be essential if I ever want anyone to like me.
GK has come up with a plan for us now. We are going to try the ABC diet to the best of our ability, and also go to the gym 3 times a week, and go swimming at least once a week. I'm glad I have her now. It used to be so hard, sticking to such a restricting diet with all of my friends doing anything they could to stop me from losing weight. Now with GK to help me, I have the motivation and support I need to stay on track. It can be weird sometimes, it's clear we have both taken this simple diet too far. Last week without realising how it had happened, we began to exchange tips on how to make yourself sick. It was so unsettling, because if she was telling me all the extreme methods she has tried ordinarily then I would tell her that she should get some help, but because most of what she says I can relate to, or have tried myself, so I am in no state to tell her what to do. She's ordered us some weight loss pills. She ordered us some last week too, but as they were natural herbal aids we don't expect them to make a great deal of difference.
I should probably stop rambling on now, but it does help to be able to get everything off my chest.