Right I'm now on the contraceptive pill. I'm too much of a drunken slut. Day 2 of the pill and I already think I've purged back up one of them. I just hope 4 hours is long enough for it to be absorbed?
Anyway, I have 3 months until summer. 30 lbs to lose. 10 lbs a month. 1 lb every 3 days.
It should be so achievable. If I can just get my act together and not binge constantly. I should be able to do this. Maybe I should start exercising instead of drinking alcohol to help me sleep?
Maybe I should just cut my stomach off, and my thighs, and my flabby bits of arm, and my cheeks and my chin and any part of me that wants to be disgusting and fat.
How can I hate my body so much yet sleep around and let so many guys see me naked? It doesn't make sense to me. I can't stand to look at my reflection naked, how do they not break down into tears like I do when they see me?
I care more that they can judge me on how massive am I, than I could ever care about being judged for sleeping around.
My life is a joke right now. I went out 5 nights in a row last week. Kissed about 4/5 guys, slept at 2 different guys' houses, fell over and cut my knee open twice, and I'm pretty sure I sexted a guy I work with. I'm too embarrassed to check my phone so I'm just going to pretend it didn't happen. And I'm still stupidly behind in all aspects of school; all my coursework has pretty much missed its deadlines.
Some days I would honestly just rather die than go into school and face all the stress over again.
I just want to give up so badly right now, but I won't. I'd let too many people down.
Thank you to all of you who still read my blog after I've turned into such a bad blogger.
Love you guys xx
Being on contraception does not make you a slut lovely. It means that you're taking care of your health and trying to be safe about it. I wish you could be kinder to yourself. You talk about yourself so negatively, example with 'slut'. Everyone has one-night-stands, it's really quite normal. You aren't a slut, you're a strong young woman expressing her sexuality, and that is perfectly okay.
ReplyDeleteI am worried about how much you're drinking though. 5 nights in a row sounds like it'd take a hell of a toll on your body.
Sending you a great big hug. You'll be in my thoughts dear <3 xxxx
Thank you so much. I'm so sorry I've been such a bad friend recently. I'm always here for you. Thank you so much for your comments.
DeleteI'm trying to drink less, well I've just run out of alcohol at home and can't afford more, but I'm still drinking less since last week. Thank you for your concern.
Hope you're okay.
I just wanted to let you know that I'm in the same boat.
ReplyDeleteI sleep around, I drink too much, I'm horrifically behind on my uni work.
Reading your post literally felt like a read-through of my own life atm.
(assuming your progress bar at the side is right, I think we must be about the same weight too)
It'll get better for us. It has too, right?
xx
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment too.
DeleteAnd yes my progress bar is pretty much accurate right now. Maybe give or take a few lbs.
I really hope it does get better for us both.
Thank you.
Bella is right, you aren't a slut - as my doctor said "you're young, you're allowed to have fun, and as you are going on the pill it sounds like you are being very sensible about it! Have fun, you're allowed to have fun!" Yehp my doctor said that when I told her that I was a slut and couldn't trust myself.. Seriously babe you are not a slut! You are a beautiful young lady and you have your whole life ahead of you, so have fun, don't be so hard on yourself, we make mistakes but it's ok :) I love you huni and congratulations for today! You will do so amazingly! Xx
ReplyDeleteHi sweetheart, sorry you're feeling so low, wish I could give you a cuddle. With the weightloss, if you are anything like me, maybe dont think of it as 30lbs, because I get so overwhelmed that i have 30lbs to lose that i binge and never get anywhere, so maybe think of goal steps, 6 lots of 5lbs loses. 5lbs sounds like a manageable amount and it has stopped me binging as much. maybe something to consider, especially if youre having trouble with binges?
ReplyDeletexxxxxxxxxx
You're not a slut. Being on contraceptive doesn't make you a slut.
ReplyDeleteI can see how your life would be stressful, but all in all it doesn't sound like you're doing too bad at managing it.
I'm always here to talk to, if you want. I'm not going anywhere.
Just try to take it one day at a time.
Love you. Xx - Camille