So I'm meeting him tomorrow.
He's working so he won't even get out until after midnight, and as he said I'll probably be wasted by the time he gets there. I'm not literally sitting on my own until he comes haha, it's his friend's birthday and I'm going out with them all.
I don't even think they're going clubbing, it's just a night at pubs and bars, I would have a more exciting night out if I stayed in my city, but because I'm pathetic I'm going to spend all my money on the bus just so I can maybe see him for a few hours.
If he doesn't even end up coming out I'll actually laugh from how shit it would be.
I have work the next day as well so I'll have to try not to drink too much because I'll be getting a really early bus home.
There is absolutely nothing convenient about going out tomorrow, but because I'm really pathetic I'm going anyway.

I also have my last scheduled therapy session tomorrow; other than diagnosing me with a few things he's achieved absolutely nothing. I think he's decided on what the problem is without really checking with me that it's right, and I've gone along with it. He thinks that school stress has messed me up. He hasn't even mentioned my family life. And somehow he concluded that I might have depression because I've fallen out with my friends? I never even fell out with them, I just drifted apart from them AFTER the depression made it too hard to be around people. The same way all my school marks began dropping AFTER the depression made it impossible to concentrate on anything other than how to subtly self harm under the desk.
I managed to convince him I don't have an eating disorder and that I purge purely because I'm stressed. My therapy sessions have just turned into such a complex lie I'm surprised he hasn't caught me out by now. I'm still scared of the fact he can breach my confidentiality if I'm a risk, so I'm lying about how much I'm drinking, taking drugs, suicidal and having heart pains from purging. He seems so confused by me, I guess trying to piece together all the half truths, and thinly fabricated lies would be confusing for anyone.

Today I fasted most of the day and it was amazing, but then my mum made me eat dinner with her: a vegetable pasty and some salad. I really hope it was under 500 calories, but she bought the pasty from a bakery so I can't check the calories anywhere.