Saturday, 19 January 2013

Thank you

Thank you everyone for all your comments, you have no idea how much it means to me.

I finally weighed this morning. I'm 1.6 lbs down from last time I weighed about a week ago, not great but so much better than gaining or maintaining.
I'm only 5 lbs up from my lowest ever weight, which was back in March I think. The amount of weight I gained through binging and purging is ridiculous. I really hope I can get it back in control. Yesterday I didn't binge or snack at all. But I ate (without even planning to) a breakfast, some bread when I finished work and dinner. I was absolutely stuffed, and consumed more calories than I would have liked. But I think it was probably still under 800 calories, and the urge to binge was completely removed.

I'm meeting my friends for 'coffee' tomorrow to plan our holiday in Summer. I have only 5ish months to get myself ready for wearing a bikini. Because as much as I realise I'll still hate my body in Summer no matter what my weight is, and I realise my self hatred will probably stop me from walking around the hotel in just a bikini, I at least want to be able to swim in a bikini. Spending the whole holiday swimming with clothes on would be embarrassing.
I know I say this every year. This time last year I vowed I'd be skeletal by last Summer and when I went to the festival; and by the festival I was probably at my highest weight and kept my jumper on the whole time (it was in torrential rain though, so I didn't look out of place).
But a holiday isn't somewhere I can easily hide my fat. More than anything I'll be so uncomfortable wearing thick, long sleeved things in Greece or wherever we go.
I've started a weigh in book where I have to record my weight every day, no matter what. Because by going weeks without weighing myself, I just give myself room for binging and can gain weight without even realising. After I got back from Amsterdam and after constantly binging on leftover Christmas food, I was less than a lb away from going back over 130 lbs again. I think my resolution for this year should be to never cross that barrier again.

I really want this snow to melt away soon. I haven't been able to go for a run, or even a walk, for what feels like ages. Also thank you everyone for the suggestions yesterday.
I really think I'll look into yoga videos online. I've always wanted to try yoga.

Anyway I should probably stop my incessant rambling now, I really need to go and shower before work.
I hope you all have a wonderful day my darlings.
Does anyone else have any plans for Summer, or just general upcoming events they want to lose weight for?
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7 comments:

  1. Bella19 January 2013 at 19:12

    Good luck with you summer plans sweetie. I'm sure whatever happens you'll look fab and have a blast anyway.
    I like the idea of a weigh-in book. I used to keep a daily record up the back of my diary until I started seeing the dietician, but I think it definitely helps with avoiding gains.

    Hope you're okay sweetie. Please stay safe & try to take care of yourself <3 xxxx

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  2. J (:20 January 2013 at 00:09

    I wanted to lsoe weight by the time I went to Hawaii, but that epically failed. I've been so horirble, I swear I must have gained all the weight back.
    However, your summer plans sound amazing! I would love to go to Greece! Hope everything goes well for you, and good luck with the weight journal.. Xxx (:

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  3. Anonymous20 January 2013 at 00:42

    Hey, congrats on the loss and good luck getting bikini-ready! It would definitely be nice to enjoy a holiday without having to worry about your weight, although I am the same, I don't think I would ever be able to just walk around in a bikini and feel comfortable. I've given up on bikinis and my new plan is to look good in a one-piece, a nice one, not an old lady one haha :)
    Definitely try the internet yoga, I do it now and then and really enjoy it :)
    Take care sweetie <3
    Alice xx

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  4. Depressed Skinny Mess.21 January 2013 at 01:27

    5 months is plenty of time for you to get to your goals :) You can do it!!! xxx

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  5. Anonymous21 January 2013 at 02:21

    you can do a lot in five months, and I'm with you...want to be able to wear summer clothes this summer without wanting to kill myself every moment. Congrats on the loss, and also, I have found that if you play loud music and jump rope, you can actually go for quite awhile and it's good for venting frustration...plus is burns a lot of calories.
    Stay safe, love
    ~Scarlett

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  6. WinterA21 January 2013 at 07:15

    Thank you for your comments ^_^ It is always nice to hear from you.

    Wow you are rolling along with this weight loss. You must be excited to be so close to your all time lowest weight. I can't wait to get to that point again.

    I am so jealous of how much you get to travel! I have to get bikini ready too. My trip is in July and I am hoping to be 120lb by then. It will shock a lot of people. That is what I want. I'm so excited to succeed this time around.

    I like the plan. Must keep us updated but you always do.

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  7. Lolita21 January 2013 at 12:49

    I say the same every year, this year is different! Good luck xx

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