Light headed

I just binged and purged again. But one of those horrible ones I haven't done for ages.
Where I'm so full up, but need to keep eating, so I took the food into the bathroom with me, so the second my stomach was emptied I could fill it again.
I really thought I'd stopped all of this.. I need my control back again.

Afterwards I got a weird high. I went downstairs (to find more food) and got engrossed by a McDonalds advert, it wasn't even food, just some kids and loads of fruit shaped bubbles. I ended up sitting in the floor completed blown away by it.
When did I turn so crazy?
And then of course my mum came home, and I'd taken off my jumper because I didn't want to get sick on it, and then I had to try and hide my arms under a cushion until she'd left the room, because I didn't want her to see how cut up and scarred my arms are.

And I want to purge some more because I don't feel like I got it all up, but I can't because she's here, and she wants me to eat dinner, but my stomach and my throat are still burning, the thought of more food which stays down is freaking me out.

Today in Psychology we were watching a documentary on violence in films, or in the media, or something, and it was horrific. There are some truly fucked up films out there. Someone in my class walked out halfway through, though she might have just gone to the toilet or something I'm not sure.

Sorry this is just a random ramble, I'm still really light headed from my purge.
Love you guys.