Don't read this

I can't even remember how many times I've posted already tonight. So this isn't even worth reading, sorry if I'm clogging up your home pages with my ramblings.

But I was just reading through all my old blog posts, and I always though Easter was my turning point when I actually worked out how to purge, but I realised I was purging ages before Easter. I read when I went to Belgium with school I knew how to purge, because I purged chocolate in the hotel room, and tried to purge every meal in the toilets, I just always thought the trip was after Easter, but reading through I realised I remembered everything wrong. 

Now I'm thinking the idea that I was purging in February is true. And I have this fuzzy memory of purging on Christmas, maybe that was true too? I always thought it started at Easter, but now I'm just confused. 

Maybe Easter was just the turning point between purging food I'm forced into eating, and binging for the purpose of purging. But if that's the case then I want to know when I first did it just because I was forced to eat too much dinner. Christmas, February? January? I don't know. I'm just confused.

I wish I was back to the days of purging without the binging. That was when I lost the most weight. The binging ruined everything, but once the purging starts the binging WILL follow. 

Fucking Easter. That was definitely a turning point. I threw all my Easter chocolate into the paper bin in my room, then had my very first b/p thought. So instead of throwing it all away I decided to eat every piece of chocolate in one go and then throw it up. That was the moment when my life changed.

The thought of next Easter, now I've perfected the art of purging, literally makes me heart drop. At least on Christmas I can eat mainly vegetables, Easter is a chocolate holiday. 

And at least at Christmas it's acceptable to be really drunk. Plus my friend said after 5ish on Christmas when it reaches the boring stage we should be able to go to her sister's flat and just get really stoned. I told my mum I might be going (though I said I was drinking rather than taking drugs) and she was fine with it. If it actually happens it will be the best Christmas ever. Her sister is hilarious. I've only ever got high with her sister once, and I had to make an effort to stop smoking because I thought I was going to wet myself with laughter because her sister's so funny. 

I'm rambling so much, I'm going to go now. Love you all.