I used to write posts almost daily and catch up on everyone else's blogs religiously.
I'm sorry I've become such a bad blogger.
I managed what's probably my first ever successful intended fast on Friday, only one day, but better than nothing. I'm fasting again tomorrow, I'm probably fasting forever, or just binging. I don't know, I know that didn't make sense.
I'm fat.
Actually disgusting.
I just had a bath. I saw my reflection in the mirror as I got in, it's a small, high up mirror so initially it was just my face that disgusted me. I tried to cover it when a towel so I wouldn't have to look at myself, but the towel wouldn't stick, so I punched the mirror (and of course nothing happened, my fat ugly reflection refuses to disappear) and ended up crying on the bathroom floor. Curling up in a ball to cry just made my stomach seem even bigger though. In that moment in time I swear if I had a knife I would have cut my stomach off.
I have so much more I want to say, but I just can't write right now. I can't think. I keep doing things, like writing this post, to hold off my feelings for a bit longer, but I can't do this.
I love you all, I hope everyone's okay. Take care my darlings.
You're not fat! Noooo don't ever cut anything, and no cannibals either! You are amazing, I love you you will have another day like Friday I promise! X
ReplyDeleteYou aren't a bad blogger sweetie. You can't always post or comment, but we all go through times where we, for whatever reason, just aren't on here as much. S'okay, I still love ya :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're having such a hard time with your body image right now. I don't think the 'fat moments' ever really go away, you've just gotta be reminded of those 'skinny moments' like in your last post, and eventually they might outweigh the times you feel fat. If that makes sense? Sorry if not!
Love you darling. Please take care of yourself Xxxxx
You're not disgusting, you're lovely. I'm sorry you're having a bad time, take care darling <3
ReplyDeleteAlice xx
You're not a bad blogger! We all love you anyways. Xx
ReplyDeleteAnd you're beautiful!! Love you. I'm here if you ever need to talk. Love you. Xxx
You are such a sweet heart. I know you try and do your best and that is what matters in the end. I know you have a lot going on as most people do. Hey you did better than me. I ran away for about 3 months lol.
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