Yesterday was the definition of a shit day. I binged and purged for so long. At one point I ate a roll, then put another one under the grill to heat up whilst I threw up the first one. It was disgusting.
I showed my mum all the wrappers from my binge and told her I was too full up to eat any dinner, because I was scared that if I ate dinner then I'd throw that up too.
Instead I'm just going to try a green tea and water fast for as long as possible. I'm going to my friend who just split up with her boyfriend's house today, to cheer her up. I don't really know what I'm meant to say since I hated their relationship anyway. It's strange how the second she splits up with him she invites me round to hers for a girly day. I haven't been to hers without him being there too for nearly a year, when they started going out. I'm such a bitch but I'm kind of happy it's over between them. I mean she could do so much better, and now I might finally get my best friend back.
Also, yesterday I self harmed again for the first time in quite a while. My sister had a serious migraine again, she was literally screaming in pain, and couldn't even drink water without throwing it back up. I was so scared she was going to get really ill again and have to go back to hospital.
Today I hope food will be easy to avoid, as I'm going to a different friend's house tonight too. So at my friend's during the day I can say I just ate breakfast, and that I'm eating a massive meal at my other friend's in the evening. And then in the evening I can just say I ate a massive meal during the day. This should work out as long as I stick to it, and don't eat loads of fatty junk food.
Summer is so close now. I can't tell if I'm losing any weight or not. Some days I feel like I've definitely lost something, but then I'm still so disgusting that I wonder how gross I was to start with if I've lost weight and still look this massive.
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