Sorry

I haven't been able to post for a while, I'm not sure when I'll next be able to either. I'm staying at my nan's now, it's lovely there, but there's no computer. I've read everybody's blogs using my BlackBerry, but it wouldn't let me comment or post anything from my phone.
I'll try to comment on what I can in the time I've got at home.
I've come back home temporarily because my friend's having a house party tonight, and while my nan would never let me come home drunk at 2am, I know my mum will, so I'm home just for somewhere to sleep tonight, then I'm back at my nan's.
Being at hers is so peaceful, but it's annoying how much food I have to eat. She cooks lots of 'wholesome' foods, and pasta. Plus because her house is tiny I'm too scared of her overhearing to purge afterwards. Luckily because of school and town I'm able to skip breakfast and lunch. I can deal with dinner.

I've been home less than 30 minutes now, and already I've binged/purged. Well I only ate a chocolate bar, hardly a massive binge, but I got the feeling I always get whenever I eat anything. I start to get full up, and then I realise that whatever I eat and I can throw up, so I keep on eating and eating, even when I'm so full up it hurts I will keep on eating until it's finished, then I make myself sick. I got that from the chocolate, after two squares I was feeling full since I just ate dinner at my nan's, but I kept eating until it was all gone because I knew I have the insurance throwing up provides. I hate it.
At least now I've eaten less I'll get drunk far quicker, so I can drink less tonight and consume less alcohol calories.

Does anyone know anything about the link between smoking and self harming?
I don't know where the idea has come from, but I feel like maybe if I start smoking I'll be able to quit self harming. I know I have such an addictive personality, the fact I self harm and drink at least two or three times a weak proves that. I got the idea from nowhere that if I start smoking instead, I'll have another addiction to concentrate on, so I'll be able to forget about cutting. I asked my friend, who has her sister's ID, if she'd buy me some cigarettes (she offered to buy me drink for tonight so I knew she was going to the shop, just in case I sound really rude demanding she buys me things - oh and I said I'd pay her back immediately, haha), but she said that she'd find it weird because I hardly ever smoke, so she said she wouldn't buy me them. So my theory is yet to be tested.

Also, I went to the bank today and finally set up an account, he said it should be activated by next Friday. I can finally order diet pills and such online. I can tell once I have this card I will waste so much money or fake products. Ahh well. I also went shopping today for birthday presents. My mum bought me a size 8 Lycra dress. It fits, but it looks a bit gross on me because I'm so bloated. I'm hoping that since I seem to be making some progress it might look nicer by the time it's my birthday, or I can go out after my birthday which will be a few later due to exams.

Sorry this is such a rambling post, I've just tried to shove everything I've been thinking these past few days into one post.