I need to start eating lunch I think.
Today I ate absolutely nothing, and stayed in school until five revising. The second I got home I binged so badly, then ended up purging it all. Then after that I went back downstairs and ate a rice cake. My dad witnessed the binge (but obviously had no idea I purged), the look on his face when I came back down for the rice cake would have been funny if he didn't think I'm stupidly fat and greedy. He's cooking dinner now, so if I eat it all he'll be completely disbelieving I can eat so much, and because it's mainly couscous or something similar I won't be able to purge it easily. Couscous is always disgusting to purge.
My ear really started to hurt when I was purging, has that ever happened to anyone else?
I know the ears, throat and nostrils are all kind of connected somehow, but I never thought I could throw up so much my ear hurts...
Just an update:
I ate the dinner, it was almost purely couscous, so it would have been a nightmare to throw up, so I left it.
I was also reading through this self harm tumblr page, and something within just kind of went 'oh!'.
I just sent the longest, most rambling email to the Samaritans telling whatever poor volunteer has to reply to all of the messages all about my self harm, suicidal thoughts, eating patterns, family issues, possibly depression etc. I've regretted it from the second I sent it, at least it's completely confidential so they can't do anything without my consent.
Your ear hurt? never had that one, I get blotchy skin and red dots all around my eyes if im struggling to purging something that refuses to come up! Doritos are a bitch i dont recommend them x
ReplyDeleteI know, it's a new experience for me too. It still hurts every time I swollen. I'll keep that in mind with the doritos too. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI don't know for positive, but I imagine it would be connected as I know if you get an ear ache it's most likely going to go into your throat, etc. so it could be something connected. May not be your ear(s) precisely, but something that's closely connected to a nerve or something...Just be careful for a little while.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think about telling someone. Finding help...but I still have so much to lose, to gain...I can't give it up...
My ear's still messed up this morning. Everytime I try to put my earphone in it aches like mad. It's probably completely unrelated, just a coincidence it started hurting when it did.
DeleteIn the email I got in reply they didn't even comment on me mentioning my eating patterns, it was pretty pointless. I know I don't want help. At night when things are too much I always freak out, but by the next morning I realise everything's fine. I'm not thin enough to deserve help yet.