Distractions

General
Age - 16 years, almost 17 years
Height - 5 foot 5 inches
Weight - Around 129 pounds
Lowest weight (at current height) - 128 pounds
Highest weight (at current height) - 155 pounds
What do you want to weigh? - 95 pounds
What eating disorder do you have? - Not sure I have one, but possibly EDNOS
Diagnosed by a professional? - No

In-Depth

How many calories do you eat in a day, on average?
Recently more than usual because I've been throwing it back up. So far today I've eaten an entire pizza with about 700 calories, but as I threw up I'm not sure how many of the calories will be digested. On a day when I don't binge/purge I will usually eat around 6oo calories if I have to eat dinner, or 200 calories if I'm allowed to skip meals.

Do you throw up your food on occasion?
Yes. I tried to for months without success, then one day I worked out the correct way to do it, and now I wish I hadn't. The days where I binge/purge have now exceeded the number of days when my diet has been successful. Although my weight has decreased much faster now I'm purging than it ever did when I was meerly restricting calories. So every cloud has it's silver lining.

Do you want to look like a supermodel/actress?
There are a few actresses who I'll admit I'm jealous of their figure, but I find other people far more inspiring. I'd much rather look like some of the thinspiration photo girls than the supermodels I see.

Are you in some sort of extracurricular sport, ie soccer or track?
No, I used to love badminton and netball, but I never had enough commitment to really get into them. I wish I was more sporty, exercise is such a punishment to me. My weight loss would be so much easier if I wasn't relying on restriction alone.

Has anyone ever teased you about your weight?
My sister will as a 'joke', then take it back when I get offended. The way she takes it back so quickly makes me realise she did mean it. Also my nan has been making some charming comments on both my sister and my weights.

Have you ever fasted? If so, for how long?
Unintentionally during summer I lasted around three to four days without eating. Although I was either drunk or hungover for the entirity of that time so I still had a high calorie intake from everything I drunk. Also when my boyfriend split up with me I didn't eat for about half a week until I bumped into him by chance and almost collapsed on him from exhustion. Whenever I intend to fast I can never last longer than 24 hours.

Do you take laxatives to get rid of food/calories?
I've always been scared by the thought of laxatives, I don't really understand how they can aid weightloss, surely all they do is remove food that's already been digested?

Are you 'inspired' by models/actresses?
Not really. They have so much help whenever they need to lose weight, I'm more inspired by people who do it alone.

Have you ever been hospitalised for your ED?
No. I'm nowhere near the underweight mark, no need for anyone to worry about me, yet,

Have you ever ingested Ipecac to induce vomiting?
I'm not even sure what 'Ipecac' is, so no. I did once down a mug of warm salt water to help induce vomiting though. Of course it didn't work, just gave me a horrific stomach ache for days after.

Have you ever tried to recover from your eating disorder?
I sometimes have days where I think what I'm doing is stupid, and where I worry I'm messing up my body to the point where I'll never be able to stop. But then I'll weigh myself after a day of 'normal' eating, and realise I'd rather be slightly unhealthy and hungry than stay at this weight for the rest of my life. I need at least a few summers of my life where I'm confident enough with my body to wear what I want. I need the oppotunity to truly be happy, even if it is just once.

Body Image Questions

Do you constantly see yourself as fat, even though others say you are not?
Yes, but only two people have ever really tried to convince me I'm not. Neither of them were convincing enough to make me believe them.

What part of your body would you change?
I'd love to change everything about my body, but I'd be happiest with my stomach and my legs looking better.

On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you with your body?
Maybe a four? I have a lot I need to improve with my body, but I know I could look at lot worse than I do.

Do you judge your value/merit solely on your weight/body?
No of course not. I know other things can be more important. But if I don't feel good about myself I will never have the confidence to do well in life.

Because of your body apperance/weight, have you become severely depressed?
I don't think so. I'll admit that since I starting tackling my weight I have began self harming again more frequently than I have for over a year. But I've had so many family issues recently, that I can't even pinpoint the reason for my feelings of depression anymore.
Do you constantly compare your bodies to supermodels/actresses?
I suppose, but I compare my body to that of EVERYONE I meet. Actresses are harder to relate to because they don't seem real to me, so I don't feel too depressed by how amazing actresses look.

Health/Food Questions

Do you think you eat healthily enough?
Sometimes, when I'm trying to meerly resrtict I'll eat mostly healthy foods because they naturally have less calories, but on days when I throw up I will eat the most unhealthy junk there is.
Are you morbidly afraid to eat carbs?
Not quite 'morbidly afraid' but I would choose to avoid them given the option.

Fat grams?
I never look for the fat content in foods, but I would never choose to eat something that I know has a high amount of fat in it.

Calories?
I've become a bit obsessed with calorie counting. I have an app on my phone with the calorie content of almost every food there is on it. The thought of eating over 900 calories in one day makes me feel horribly uneasy.

Are you often tired/fatigued?
Sometimes, on the days where I'm attempting to fast I will feel exhusted by the end of the day, the morning after a fast when I try to continue it is always the worst for me energy-wise.

Do you feel more energised after eating food?
Depends what I'm eating and how long it's been since I last ate.

Do you eat meat?
No, I've been a vegetarian my entire life.

Do you eat your food in a certain way?
I have to cut everything into small pieces. I eat the vegetables or salad first, then the main part of the meal, and eat any potato, bread or other carbs last.

Do people tell you you look sick or famished?
No, this has only happened on the one time I went half a week with no food, and cried non-stop (when my boyfriend split up with me), and they only noticed because I was crying and shaking and throwing up from sheer exhustion.

Have you ever thrown up blood?
I had a serious chest infection a few years ago that stopped me from eating for weeks, everything I ate I threw back up. I miss the weight loss that resulting from that illness. Also just before I started this survey I threw up, and I'm not sure if the food I ate has turned a strange colour or if it was blood.
Is your heart bpm above 49?
I have no idea.

Do you have fainting spells from lack of eating?
I often feel as though I might faint if I'm fasting, but I have never fully fainted.

Other Stuff


Do you think the media is at fault for the prevalence of eating disorders?
No, I have never been particularly triggered by any form of media.

What's your opinion of Pro-Ana?
When I first discovered the concept I was completely disgusted by the idea, but when I actually started reading some of the blogs I realised few of them were there to encourage eating disorders, all they really do is offer unjudgemental support and advice.

Do you have any other mental disorders?
Nothing diagnosed, but I think I may be depressed. I also sometimes get scared I'm developing signs of my dad's bipolar, but it's more likely just mood swings from my diet.
What's your favourite food to eat?
Healthy foods are probably rice cakes, and maybe celery (both also very safe foods). My favourite unhealthy foods are probably pitta breads, and maybe pizza, or plain chow mein.

Favourite drink?
Diet coke. I've always preferred it to regular coke luckily.

Do you often wish you didn't have an ED?
I'm not even sure I have an eating disorder, but it's not bad enough yet to be worried. I'm getting a bit too obsessed with being able to make myself sick after I eat, but I spent months bent over my toilet trying to make myself sick and wishing I could do it. It's purely my fault that I've succeeded and I like the feeling the success gives me.

Do you want to recover?
I don't really have anything to recover from, and I've barely lost a stone since I started this, I will not wish to have excess calories forced down my throat until I'm at least considered to be 'seriously underweight'.

This somehow managed to distract me for about an hour, anytime not spent thinking about what I should eat is time well spent.