Yesterday should have been the first day of my ABC diet. But at lunch time I texted the guy I was meeting about times and he didn't reply so I assumed he was cancelling and binged on bread, pitta bread, chocolate cake and ice cream. Which I obviously purged. Then I checked my phone and he'd replied saying a time to meet. I'm way too emotional.
But we met for coffee and it was nice. I think he thought I was being 'hard to get' or whatever instead of just shy. He kept making bad jokes and rambling a lot, and because I didn't know how to react being I'm just a socially awkward freak, but he kept apologising and seemed to think I was thinking he was weird or something. When I left we didn't kiss or anything, but he asked to meet me the next day (which should have been today).
He cancelled on me today though, and we rearranged to Thursday.
I tried to restart the ABC diet. It was going really well and I planned everything out, and my dinner went 20 calories over, but I thought that the exercise I did from walking around everywhere burned off more than the 20 extra. But then my mum bought me a danish pastry, which I didn't need. But I went crazy. I ate that and a toffee crisp because I had a bit of a breakdown and decided he cancelled today because he hates me and I'm already so fat and ugly I might as well eat myself to death.
Then I needed to purge but someone was in the bathroom. I told my mum I was going to my friend's and walked to this random field and threw everything up. Then I nearly collapsed on the way back so I went to the shop to buy a diet energy drink. I ended up with a massive bag of doritos which I want to binge on.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Sorry I just have failure to post today.
Don't blame yourself for having a bad day. These things happen, especially when Parents With Good Intentions bring home tempting foods, it can trigger off everything. Up until then, it sounds like you were doing well today. Go on with Day 2 tomorrow, and aim to do better tomorrow than you did yesterday.
ReplyDeleteGood news with the boy, though! It sounds like he was just as nervous as you. I hope all goes well on Thursday :)
xxBella
Do you really think that if the guy hated you he would have wanted to meet you again after the first meeting ?
ReplyDeleteI'm sure he cancelled because he was really busy, but he still wants to meet you ! Otherwise, he wouldn't just rearrange it some other day !
Try being a little more confident about yourself :)
About the binging problems, try drinking more water or chewing gum whenever you want to eat!
<3
Hun! dont be so hard on your self! I am sure there was a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why he cancelled.. and in my experience guys arent awkward with girls unless they like them ;) trust me on this..
ReplyDeleteso you had a bad day food wise, dust it off and start afresh tomorrow :) go for a walk - anything to shake off the feeling of wanting to binge - I believe in you <3
Hope you feel better
Much love xx
THROW THE DORITOS AWAY BEFORE YOU EAT THEM.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I end up doing buying chips because I want them but by the time I get home I realize that I'll be ruining everything that I want.
Hey babe, bad days happen. Shit happens. Binging happens. I binged on fucking EVERYTHING today (and a few days ago... and the day before that...) after getting fed up with trying to lose weight the "healthy" way and trying to "recover" for the past month and a half. Fuck that shit.
ReplyDeleteBut regardless, I'm fasting tomorrow and then starting ABC the day after, if you'd like to join? And THROW AWAY THE DORITOS!
(Also, with regards to the guy--he said he wanted to see you again! It would have been much easier to just not say anything after the first meet-up, therefore he didn't bail for no reason and actually likes you, at least as a good friend.)
we all have off days, hun :) You purged and exercised, so don't feel bad about those extra calories. Especially 20! When i go over, it's usually hundreds of calories, and i never purge. it's actually good for your metabolism to binge every once in a while ;) dont sweat it! He's probably awkward because he likes you, i agree!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry hun :/ That's basically been me the entire last weekend, but I'm trying to get back on track too. You can do this(:
ReplyDeleteXOxo~
You're not a failure at all sweetie, we all have off days and I'm sure there's an explanation as to why he cancelled,
ReplyDeleteI've just been reading your blog and can relate a lot,
Thanks for all the lovely comments on my blog,
Take care of you xxx
THE worst thing is when you need to recover from a purge with a binge. Everyone has a fuck up days. I always find myself rereading days when I messed up and just not even remembering them.. Small comfort I guess.
ReplyDelete