Bad influence

I'm less stressed today so I can update properly.
Work-wise, after all my stressing yesterday: the History teacher actually forgot to take in my work which I did, and I forgot about it completely too, so it was a waste of time; and both the English teachers timed their lessons badly so I'm doing my presentations tomorrow instead of today. At least now they're all done and I can relax.

I texted the guy I went to the cinema with about an hour ago, he hasn't replied yet but he's always a slow replier. Plus I'm not even sure if I care whether he replies or not. I think I might want to get out of whatever it is we've got going on before I'm stuck in a relationship I'm not comfortable with. I feel so self conscious around him. Every time he puts his arm around I have to breathe in as much as possible. Should I really be with him if I don't feel comfortable with him?
On Friday night I met my guy best friend (I can't remember if I already posted about this or not?) I felt so comfortable around him. We've drifted apart recently but I was so happy with him. I think I lead him on horribly, maybe I only feel so great around him because I know he's always liked me, so I feel so adored when I'm with him. I've never pretended that we're more than friends, but I refuse to let him cut me out. I know I'm selfish, I know if I were in his position I would want to distance myself. But I don't want him to get over me, if he moves on I'll be alone. (Just so I don't sound like a complete bitch, he has had two girlfriends in the time he's claimed to like me, it's not like he can't live his life with me in it.)
Plus after I left the cinema on Sunday I started thinking about my ex and how much I miss him, then as I was thinking that I got a text from his number: "Hey babes how have you been? I miss you". I knew it wasn't him because he doesn't text like that, plus I mentioned it to a friend yesterday and she said she got a text at the same time saying "I love you", so clearly one of his friends with being a dick and texting all the girls on his phone or something. Which is really immature for a 17 year old to do. If I hadn't worked out it wasn't him I might have replied thinking he was serious, and got my heart broken all over again. It was the most dickish thing anyone's done to me for ages. I now I can't get him off my mind. I know I could never go back there after all the shit he put me through and the complete mess I am now as a result.

Woah I just went to eat dinner (it wasn't massive and I'm doing everything I can to avoid purging right now) and re-reading through what I typed less than half an hour ago is embarrassing. I ramble so much crap. I'm so sorry. I'm going to blame my period for my eating/rambling/general shitness recently haha.

At my sister's birthday party on Saturday night I had a proper catch up with my friend. She was the one I started to diet with originally, but we drifted apart a while ago when I got so wrapped up in purging and didn't want her to know. But I caught up with her and asked about her diet. SHE PURGES TOO NOW. I know it's my fault. When I spoke to her a few months ago I remember telling her that I'd made myself sick a couple of times, and she said that she was jealous of me. And now she's doing it regularly too. I've literally messed up one of my closest friends. What I am meant to do? How can I make her stop and get help without her forcing me to recover with her?
When I told her I can't stop she looked like she was going to cry and apologised because she said she's been so worried she was the one who encouraged me into this diet. I've been feeling like that's what I did to her for so long. Plus I think we might be moving in together for Summer in about a month. Her parents (literal millionaires) have bought a new house and a new flat, and since her parents will be in the house, they invited me to stay in the flat with my friend through Summer. I'm not 100% sure if it will happen or not so I'm trying not to get too excited, but her mum seems to like me and it was actually her mum's idea not mine or my friend's, so I don't know. Maybe it will happen. If it does I actually dread to think what we'll end up eating. Our house will be full of junk food to binge and purge. With cupboards of alcohol because honestly we both drink waaay too much.
Either way I really don't know what to do about my friend. We were both really drunk when we spoke, so it will easy for us to pretend the conversation never happened, but I'm so scared she'll get ill. I'm pretty sure she's already addicted to caffeine pills (it was me who told her they help hunger pains and give you energy during fasts) which are giving her heart pains; fuck I've actually fucked up my friend so badly, I need to make this right.

And I just broke a nail, which sounds so pathetic considering all the other things I've had to talk about in this post. But it's just really stressing me out. My hands are the only part of my body I don't hate.

Thank you for all the comments on my post, sorry this turned into such a long non-diet related rant.