Change

I feel like I might be making progress.
Yesterday all I had was 2 energy drinks (non diet because I had to buy what was there, and I needed the energy to stop myself collapsing in my job interview), and a tiny portion of spaghetti and tomato sauce. The pasta was forced on me because I was at my friend's house, and her mum cooked for me so I couldn't refuse. I also drunk some pimms at hers, but I only had about 3 glasses and I won't beat myself up about it. No matter what diet I'm on I know I will never be able to cut out alcohol.
On Tuesday I ate literally nothing all day, and was barely hungry. Wednesday I binged/purged, but it more emotionally linked than anything else, it sort of coincided with a relapse in my self harm.
But other than Wednesday I've barely eaten all week, and because I now have nothing to do. No plans. No commitments. Literally nothing to do other than exercise and concentrate all my attention on losing weight.

I woke up this morning feeling kind of skinny. I know I'm not actually close to skinny, but lying flat on my bed my ribs stick out, and my stomach is almost flat. Even sitting up straight there are no more rolls of fat, it's not flat, it does still stick out horrifically when I'm sat up, but at least there's no longer the rolls of fat. I feel like it might be starting to pay off.
Yesterday at my friend's house I realised that I might actually be as skinny as her now. I've lost weight at a similar time that she's put on weight. But she's still so confident. She wears skin tight clothes, crop tops, bralets. Everything that I can only dream of wearing, and despite the fact she's put on a bit of weight, she still looks drop dead gorgeous. Curvy at its best. I wish I had her confidence.

Today I'm going to attempt to fast again (I say attempt because
it's my sister's birthday so I expect I'll be forced into some form of family dinner), I'll tidy my room because it is actually disgusting, then once everything sorted I'll have space to work out. Exercise is all I need I can get there.