Monday, 4 June 2012

I'm on my period and I want to eat and eat and eat.
I know I shouldn't but I keep thinking that it's raining and I won't be going out anywhere. That I can sit at home and let myself bloat and put on weight, because no one will see me. When I go out I'll be wearing jackets and coats because it's freezing and raining.
I spend most of my life trying to justify eating, I need to learn to control myself. There is never a justification for eating loads of food for no reason.

Oh and neither of the guys I kissed have text me or spoken to me, other than a poke on Facebook which may have been from before. My urge to cut is much stronger than my urge to eat.
I really wish I could just be normal. Why do I have to eat and cut when I'm sad? Why can't I just cry and get over it like normal people?

Sorry I'm such a downer today.
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15 comments:

  1. Rayya4 June 2012 at 11:41

    Dont be sorry for feeling down, I know how it feels to want to cut although I havent for over a year.. I hope you are ok, stay strong xx

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  2. Queenie4 June 2012 at 12:24

    Hey, if you're on your period then you're already loosing enough blood, don't cut yourself ! Moreover, when you're having your period, your body needs more energy to recover and rebuild what's needed so it actually burns more calories, hence the feeling of hunger. So don't worry, and allow yourself to eat (a bit) more.
    Have you already tried exploding a whole sheet of bubble paper when you want to cut yourself ? It really works, because it discracts the mind from the urge to cut, and requires violence too ^^

    Keep it up !

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  3. The Lovely Bones4 June 2012 at 15:00

    Thank you both. I haven't cut, I did eat though.
    I never knew your body can burn more calories during periods, thanks. I would try popping bubble paper but we don't have any at my house. So far watching endless American soups has been distraction enough. I've never cried so heavily from an episode of Desperate Housewives before, haha.
    Honestly, thank you both so much. You really made my day, reminding me that I'm not alone. Even if my friends who live here didn't reply to my messages, I still have you guys. You are genuinely the reason I'm still going, thank you so much.

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  4. Caroline4 June 2012 at 16:11

    I always eat when I'm feeling bad or bored, maybe that's not wise but I hve nothing to think about instead.

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    Replies
    1. The Lovely Bones5 June 2012 at 09:14

      Same, now I'm just trying to find ways to distract myself from it. Something less disruptive than eating, haha.

      Delete
  5. WinterA4 June 2012 at 17:50

    It's okay. I know what you mean. For me cutting is just more comforting than telling someone my problems. Most of the time people don't seem to want to listen or try to understand how I am feeling. Including my husband sometimes.

    I am having my t.o.m too. You sound like you are doing much better than me because I fucked some food up yesterday lol. I am disappointed but not mad at myself. You know why? Because I am going to kick ass today.

    Sorry to curse so much in my response today. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day and it gets better. Sometimes I go to sleep so I wont have to be awake and fighting the urge to eat. Kind of sucks when you are not sleepy though.

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    1. The Lovely Bones5 June 2012 at 09:17

      That's exactly how I feel. Plus sometimes I don't even know what it is that's upsetting me, it's why I've stopped trying to get help for my self harm, because no ever understands that I do it for no reason most of the time.

      Don't feel bad for messing up yesterday, I'm glad you've got such a positive attitude towards it. I'm hoping I'll do better today as well.

      Hope you have a good day too.

      Delete
  6. Stick Thin4 June 2012 at 19:27

    I'm sorry :(. Try to find another outlet besides cutting. I know how hard it is to fight the urge. I'm so sorry. Find a distraction! I like to clean, take a bath, watch a movie. Good luck hun

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    1. The Lovely Bones5 June 2012 at 09:17

      I ended up watching loads of TV and films, but it worked because I didn't self harm at all in the end. Thank you so much for the suggestions, it worked.

      Delete
  7. Cleona4 June 2012 at 23:55

    why don't you ever talk to me about this?! i'm always talking to you about all my damn problems and you're there for me. Remember that I'm here for you too.

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    1. The Lovely Bones5 June 2012 at 09:20

      I know, I hate the time difference because in the morning you'll be asleep because it's night there, and I never want to wake you up, then by the time you're awake I've normally calmed down.
      You're there for me a lot, you know more about me than any of my friends who live in my city. Thank you so much for everything. And good luck with toyota today!

      Delete
  8. Bella5 June 2012 at 05:47

    What always helps me when I'm feeling down is taking a nap. Things usually seem clearer after I sleep on it, even if it's a 10 minute doze. I spend a lot of time justifying eating, too. Sadly I think of an excuse most of the time, and still feel like shit afterwards

    xxBella

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    Replies
    1. The Lovely Bones5 June 2012 at 09:21

      I spend most of my life napping, haha. I wish I had some sleeping pills, so I could sleep even when I'm not tired.
      I know, I can always find a way to justify eating, but I always regret it the second I've finished.

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    2. Bella5 June 2012 at 20:57

      I have, uh, anti-psychotics for when I need to nap when I'm not tired xD I used to use over-the-counter sleeping pills, but they made me so groggy :(

      Apparently you burn more calories sleeping than sitting watching tv, though, so hooray for us Nappers! :)

      xxBella

      Delete
    3. The Lovely Bones6 June 2012 at 21:49

      I try to sleep as much as humanely possible. Haha. I need to get some sleeping pills though, I need to sleep through everything.

      Delete

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