It's my A level results tomorrow. I've spent the past month repressing the thought, but now I'm just drunk (on not much alcohol because the worry's helping me not eat much) and all I want to do is cry because I'm sure I've done badly and I'll have to retake most of my subjects.
Also I've been thinking about what I actually want to do. For ages I convinced myself that I want to do History at university, just because my sister approves, but really I want to do Psychology. I want to study teenage depression and eating disorders. I have experience in it and that it's what I want to do. I don't care if my fucking sister who wants to be a vet says I'm not as clever as her because psychology's an 'easy subject' it's what I'm interested in, and it's what I want to do.
What do you guys think? Should I do psychology regardless of society and it's thoughts? I think that if I can sort myself out by the time I graduate, then I would love to dedicate my life to helping people going through the same shit as I went through, and letting them know what they're feeling is normal.
I want to maybe be the one to develop eating disorder treatments. To be based on physical requirements is insane considering it's purely a mental illness. I want to change that. I think a person has to really go through a mental hardship to truly understand a psychological disorder.

I've just rambled so much I don't even know what I just said. But I seriously love all you guys. I almost posted something the other day with personal shout outs to all my personal favourite bloggers/commenters but then I remembered everyone who at some point with either a positive comment or a post I relate to who's helped me, so in the end I concluded everyone of my followers or followees has really helped me at some point, so here right now, I thank you all. You keep me alive.

Also my parents are having a huge argument upstairs at the moment. I think they're close to breaking point. I know my mum's been sleeping on the sofa rather than on his floor (they never share a bed) and recently my mum's been sticking up for herself) but I wish they'd either split up or stop arguing, the in between in killing me. Listening to them argue is horrible, especially when they're arguing over me or my sister.
There's nothing worse than sitting upstairs listening to your family bitch about you, and accuse you of things you didn't do. Once my sister lost £20 and accused me until she found it under her bed. And my dad lost a magnet and accused me. And my mum drunk loads and thought I must have stolen her alcohol because she 'didn't remember drinking that much'. I just get the blame for everything. It's not fair. Because I avoid my family does not mean I'm a thief.

Sorry I'll shut up now. Thank you again to everyone who's there for me. Especially Cleona and Rayya, purely because I talk to them on places other than this blog, especially Cleona, I literally don't know what I'd do without you.
Every one of you are so wonderful. It's like a proper community. I read the comments that others leave you everyone's posts and I relate to even the comments. You guys are wonderful. Much more understanding than even my closest 'real life' friends.
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