Today was my first day back at Sixth Form.
It already feels like I've been back for weeks, same old really, nothing to report there.
I also bought myself some new scales today, I'm sick of using the stupid family scales which are literally impossible to use. The dials on them line up 130lbs and 9st, which is 4lbs off and I never know which to believe, or what my actual weight is.
So with my new proper scales I weigh exactly: 131 lbs.
Plus I weighed myself with clothes on at about 6pm after I full day of eating and drinking, so I'm hoping it will actually be lower.
I've started getting really full really easily, however it might just be my own messed up body.
After I weighed myself I binged and purged, then just when I'd just finished purging, my mum called me downstairs and told me dinner was ready, which was half a tin of soup and a bagel.
Normally after I purge I can just go on eating and purging again for hours, but this time I felt so sick.
I could barely eat my dinner, then I was so so so full up after eating it that I couldn't eat another thing. That probably sounds really normal to all you guys, to be full up after a meal, but for me I'm almost never full up. Unless I've just binged on everything I can get my hands on then I never feel full.
I'm sickening full now, hours later.
I hope this means something's changed in my body, though I think I'm getting a bit carried away.
it could be your body has become accustom to your eating lifestyle finally. It's really good if your body if finally allowing you to feel full. I hope feeling ill doesn't last too much longer.
ReplyDeletefeel better & stay motivated <3
Hopefully its a sign that your body wants you too eat very little and binge/purge no more. If that's the case you are on the right path hunn! Good luck with your school year.
ReplyDeleteHey there. You may be on to something. Something may have changed in your body. I say that sounds like a good thing. To be able to eat and feel full. You may be able to stop binging if this continues.
ReplyDeleteI need a new scale myself just for backup. My digit one gets weird on me sometimes. I will be going to the doctors office in a few weeks and their scales always add extra pounds. I am dying to get my number lower before then because I can not handle seeing a big big number.
Hope you feel better soon darling! As for the change it could be bloating or your body just adjusting after I b/p I can't usually eat for a while just because I feel so terrible. Anywhoo, good luck with your school year!
ReplyDeleteHuni :) You are getting there babygirl <3 This year will be our year <3 You are making so much progress and I am so so proud of you :) Hope school is good I am sure you will be fine x Thank you for everything darling <3 I love you <3
ReplyDeleteI am thinking it might be more of a mind trick. Don't take my word for it, but generally if a person can't feel full and binges, that is more about a feeling of not being good enough, or emotional eating basically. I know how that feels. My stomach literally won't fill up if I am not happy. Then, if one can find enough hope and enthusiasm for the future, or even just finds a mood they are more comfortable with, the stomach can seem to fill up really fast, and a feeling of hunger can easily be mistaken for fullness if a person is in the right mood. I don't know if this is your case but it is just a thought anyways. My eating is never dependent on how full my stomach is. My stomach being full is dependent on my mood or something, which is weird to me...
ReplyDeleteAnyways. I am glad you are so far down in weight. I can't wait until I get that small. The closer one is to their goals the more they can see them happening in the future. I am nowhere near where you are.
Convince yourself that your doctor's scales are wrong lol. I mean, every scale can't be perfect so every doctor's scale can't be perfect either. Doctor's offices are just places, and doctor's are regular people. They can't be any more right than anyone else, even if it comes to medical things.
Love you, and I love that you comment so much on my blog so thank you really, from the bottom of my heart.
xoxo
I wish you much happiness and success for this new school year.
ReplyDeleteI'm also very happy for you that your body is starting to get better, I'm sure you'll soon be able to quit the binge/purge thing. This year is yours, you'll make something great of it. I know it.
And thank you for standing up for me yesterday. It meant so much. I have tears coming in my eyes writing this, so I'm sorry if I don't make much sense. But thank you really. It is the first time in my life that someone has actually ever stood up for me. I don't even know what to say.
I love you.
Keep your chin up, sweetheart. A new year means a new start, and this will be your year.
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