Madness

Today has been fucking confusing.
I still haven't spoken to my friend after her patheticness over me saying I'd be half an hour late to school. Plus I've binged/purged so much that it physically hurts to even swallow. Plus I found out that all my old group of friends, who I stopped seeing so often when we moved into Sixth Form and all split into different groups, have all met up for a reunion lunch which I wasn't invited to. That kind of hurt. I probably still talk to more of them than most of our group. But whatever, I wouldn't have wanted to eat any lunch anyway. Also I gave in and cut myself AND punched the wall again so my knuckle is now turning a weird green/black.
Yet somehow it's been an alright day. Because I've literally thrown up everything possible I don't feel like I can have possibly put on that much weight. Also quite a lot of my other friends have all rung/text to invite me out on various days. So even without the crap friends I still have some plans with more laid back people.
Tomorrow is my final exam, so I have 3 weeks off Sixth Form before I have to go back and start the next year early. And tomorrow night all my friends, who have their sister's IDs, were going clubbing and I thought I'd have to stay home because my sister refuses to lend me hers. But instead I was texting my guy friend, who is also my ex's close friend, and he said he has no ID either and that if I'm free I should go to a house party with him. Last time I saw him we were both drunk and we kissed. I don't know if he wants it to happen again tomorrow, and I don't really know whether or not I want it to happen either. I can't work out whether I like him, like that he might likes me, or just like the fact that if anything happened with him my ex would hate it? Besides he is also my friend's ex. Although it's the friend who is currently ignoring me because I had a lie in, plus they went out years ago and she swears she doesn't care about him any more, and said she didn't care when she heard I'd got with him. So I really don't know what to think right now?!

Does anyone have any advice on how to get out of the binge/purge routine? I don't even know how it happened, or when it became a regular thing, but it's getting a bit overwhelming now.
I mean when I first started this blog I didn't even know how to make myself sick. Now every single time I eat, even if it's just a rice cake, something takes hold of me and I just eat and eat absolutely anything that's in sight, then spend of next 20 minutes with my head down the toilet. It's not helping my diet, and it's making me feel like I've completely lost control. I just need that control back in my life, how am I ever going to stop self harming when I can't even control the food that goes into my mouth?
Sorry this post has been such a downer. I'll jazz it up with some thinspiration so I can at least pretend I'm not the most depressing person in the world.

Just an addition: I can't deal with arguments, I'm genuinely one of the least argumentative people, so I apoligised to my friend for not going in to Sixth Form and she apoligised and said she was just stressy because of her period. So we're fine now, and everything is much easier than before. I don't feel the need to persist on breaking every bone in my knuckle any more. 

I think my ex might be at the party I go to with his friend tomorrow, or he might be at the festival I go to in July. By then I must be absolutely perfect so I can strut around in short shorts, knee highs and crop tops and make him regret everything he put me through. I want him to beg for another chance with me. I just want him to notice me...