I went for a run with her this morning and I felt so sick when I got back. So I ate two alpen bars and a pitta bread. I could have just stopped at the alpen bar but I didn't. Then I felt bad about failing at my fast so I hoped if I got it all up then I could convince myself I hadn't failed.
When I came out of the bathroom she asked if I was sick, and I thought if I deny it then she might go crazy so I told her I've been feeling really sick for ages now. She asked if I'd made myself sick and I tried to laugh it off. I don't think she believed me but she left it.
Fuck. This means she'll be watching me now, and she'll probably start to notice if I don't eat anything.
This fast is a failure. I hate exercise. Before I went on the run I felt fine, now I feel like I'm going to collapse.
On a plus I'm going out today and if I don't bring any money with me then I won't buy any food and I can skip dinner. I'll make up for my failure today.
Aw man I am sorry to hear about that. Fasting is hard. I can only tend to do 2 days the longest I have gone is 4 days. That hasn't been since I first started fasting.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if she will be watching you closely now? I know if I heard my sister doing it I would have kept on walking like I didn't hear a thing. I wouldn't want to know so I guess you can say I would be closing a blind eye.
I mean you just use it as a forum of back up and I see nothing wrong with that. I guess because I am overweight and always have been I don't mind people doing what it takes to reach their goal. I know it's crazy but it is how I feel.
Thanks. I think once I get out of my house and stop sitting around all day then the fast should get easier. I read the blog of someone who spent two weeks in a juice fast once. It was actually amazing.
DeleteAnd I'm hoping she never mentions it again. She's been normal with me for the rest of the day. When I was self harming she ignored it because it was easier. And she definitely knew about that because she started crying once and said she was worried, but after that she did nothing. My family love to bury their heads in the sand.
And I get what you mean entirely. Because I've always been keen on any diet that works I'll encourage people to do whatever is working. As long as they're not literally about to drop dead of course.
Running during a fast is the worst thing ever, trust me !
ReplyDeleteOnce I went out to run with a really empty stomach and I had a very severe tension drop.
Before you run always eat something, even just a cereal bar or an apple (eating a yogurt only is not quite good either). Then wait 30 min for your body to assimilate the energy and then you can go for a run. Your body will anyway burn the cereal/apple calories so don't worry !
As for your family, it's normal that they worry! Instead of taking it as a failure, you should see it as a proof of love, and try to be more discrete in the future ^^
One should always see the good sides of life !
Keep on fighting :)
I'll remember that next time. Eating one cereal bar before the run which would have been burnt off would be much better than eating two and a pitta bread hours after my run which will be completely absorbed by my body. Thank you for the advice.
DeleteAnd yeah, I didn't realise anyone downstairs would be able to hear me, plus I had the taps running. I'm starting to wonder if the rest of my family can hear me too but just choose the ignore it. Hahah, ah well. As long as they don't mention it I'll just be more subtle next time.
Thank you so much.
I hate exercise too sometimes :( My sister is always on my back because she struggles with food as well. By the way, I like your blog! Cheer up we can do this!
ReplyDeleteAll my support,
<3 A Fragile Heart