I don't feel very freed now that my exams have finished. I think it's because I have a job interview this afternoon, so I'm more stressed and nervous for that than I was by my exams.
I fasted all day on Tuesday, but ruined it on Wednesday with a massive binge/purge. I wasn't even hungry, just stressed. Emotional eating is actually horrific.
I've finally had enough of my self harming though. I can't make it two days without cutting myself, I didn't even realise how bad it was until my friend asked if I'd stopped, and I was actually surprised to think about it and realise how bad my relapse was. So I've told her about how bad it is and basically begged her to help me quit for good. This is the forth time I've told her about it though, she usually ignores it because she doesn't know what to think about it; she really doesn't understand why I do it, and I don't blame her.
Also, I don't know if this is a positive or a negative. Yesterday my guy friend texted me and said we should meet for a smoke. It was like 10.30 pm but I decided I might as well be spontaneous for once. We got high in the park by our houses, and then he walked me home afterwards, and we kissed.
But I think he was really high and might have been drunk, whereas I was only slightly tipsy from where I'd been drinking at home, and the weed had barely affected me. So I'm scared it meant nothing to him because he wasn't exactly sober.
When I left he said "come to mine this week and we can watch a movie or something?"
I just automatically said yes, but now what if he thinks I'm a massive slut and he expects me to just sleep with him? He's my ex's best friend as well. This is so messed up, I'm not even sure if I like him yet.
Plus, when I was with him I was complaining about my friend who ditches everyone for her boyfriend, despite the fact he's cheated on her twice that she knows about. And my friend was like "oh yeah, was that when he fingered that girl at the campout? Or when he groped someone at a party?"
She doesn't know about either of those times, but he made me promise not to tell her. Which means he's probably cheated on her loads more times that she doesn't know about.
I don't know if I can keep it from her though. She needs to know, but then again she might not believe me. It's not the first time we've told her stories about him cheating and she's believed him over us.
I don't know what to do?!
Your comment means a lot! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteLove, Anna
Sounds like she loves this guy a lot to believe him over you or your friends. I have been where she is. She is not willing to see the truth then she wont even though their is a lot of evidence. My advice is to leave her be. You tried to warn her once at least. When she sees the truth she may or may admit you guys were right. But I know she will feel like a total idiot for listening to him but it's okay. Tell her at least she didn't marry him ( I married my cheating guy, denial is so strong I tell you )
ReplyDeleteI was hoping you would feel better after finals. I know I feel lazy as shit lately. I need to get geared up for going to school next year. I need to get into my field and start having a good paying job. Sorry to whine on your page here.
The guy friend probably thinks he is going to get lucky. As long as you are honesty with him. I think everything will be fine. I was a totally slut after my divorce and believe it or not the guys liked my honesty. Rather I said yes to sex or no. Just let the guy know where you stand.
I just found out that in the past four weeks when no one was talking to her much that she split up with him and got back together with him eight times. I don't know whether to, if it will be the push she needs to finally leave him for good, or whether I'll just complicate things.
DeleteI'm so sorry to hear about your husband.
And I still haven't spoken to my guy friend, I'll just wait for him to text me, and if it's clear he just wants sex and nothing else I'll be straight with him that I don't want that.