It was 11pm and I convinced myself I needed to down two glasses of water to avoid binging, rather than just going to sleep like a normal person.
I knew I was going to binge, I knew before I even left my room.
I went downstairs and saw a single left over mozzarella stick on the side (I love mozzarella sticks). I carried it around the kitchen for a few minutes, taking pretend bites of the air in front of it, literally acting crazy. I licked it then wiped the crumbs off my tongue so no calories went in. It was messed up. Of course I ended up with the conclusion that I should chew and spit it, which was shortly followed by chewing and spitting two boiled baby potatoes. As I rinsed my mouth out from that I convinced myself that it was a great method and I preceded to cut myself a massive slice of strawberry and white chocolate cake (the exact kind of cake I've been craving for so long), but instead of chewing and spitting that, I just ate it. From that point onwards I don't even know what went down in the kitchen. I seem to remember eating a handful of onion seeds (yes I did just say onion seeds, not even an onion, the fucking seeds), along with a banana (I hate bananas) and a boiled potato cut in half with mayonnaise in the middle. What the hell is wrong with me?
I downed a few glasses of water between foods, while waiting for the pitta bread to toast for example, and again while I heated up a bread muffin with pasta sauce and sweetcorn on it. Aghh, what the actual hell is wrong with me?
After this disgusting binge I came upstairs and decided to try and live with my consequences, decided it would be more beneficial in the long run for me to just sit quietly and think about how bad I feel so that I won't do it again. That backfired, I got a few sentences into this post before I knew I couldn't keep all this down. Because most of my family are asleep the toilet would be too loud to throw up in, so I threw up in a plastic bag in my room. Stopping every now and then to check the bag wasn't leaking (which luckily it didn't). Sorry this is probably too much information, but it was so weird seeing how much food came back up. It wasn't the biggest binge I've ever had, I could have easily eaten more if I hadn't stopped myself. Thinking about how that bag of food would have been in my stomach otherwise has really made me think about how I need to do a fast or something. I want my body to be completely empty before I start a new, healthy diet. I want my body to be pure and to get rid of the old clutter that is in my stomach.
Does anyone know how long a standard, but effective, detox needs to be?
Ugh, I did that today also. Ice cream sandwiches and cereal with milk.
ReplyDeleteLet;s try to move on, hun<3 Xoxo
I did something really similar to this, and I fasted for two days after. I felt so much better. Good luck!
ReplyDeletei feel like my life is a constant binge, even if it's a slow one. i'd say 3 days lots of water would be an effective detox. then ease out of it with a juice fast or something.
ReplyDeleteI think jackies suggestion was a good one.. a water fast is really effective but tiring <3 Good Luck xx
ReplyDeletewhat i would suggest is a liquid diet for a few days...mostly consisting of water and small amounts of blended fruit. believe me, ive tried this and it makes you feel fresh and rejuvinated. 2 or 3 days maybe? and hey, if your stronger than that and dont need the fruit you could always try just water. but i know for a fact that im not that strong. good luck :)
ReplyDeleteAw, I know exactly how you feel. *hugs* I hope your day goes better. Have lot's of lemon water. xo
ReplyDeleteIt's okay. It sounds like to me you were really fighting it. Sometimes it just overpower us. Screams I am in charge! What are you trying to do to me women.
ReplyDeleteI am sure you can pick yourself right back up tomorrow.
Never purged up a whole bunch of food but I can imange that it would look really intresting.....but weird at the same time. Knowing all of that was in your little tummy.
It's going to be okay. Focus on tomorrow and work.