I said I'd post again tonight in my last post. I don't actually have anything to say, but I'm sure this will turn into a ramble.
I can't last longer than a week without messing up my mind. I'm drunk. On just over 1 litre of pear cider. I feel so pathetic. But at least it's a sign that I have less food in my system. The days where I am a complete lightweight are always great in terms of my diet.
I really want to self harm right now, which is stupid because I'm having an okay time at the moment, but the urge is there and it's stronger than ever. If I didn't have to wear short sleeves as part of the work uniform I would.
That guy from work is still talking to me. He's texting me non-stop, it's a bit full on considering I only met him today. I guess it's friendly, but I've spent the whole evening thinking up excuses as to why I don't want to talk on the phone, go for a walk, go to his friend's party, or go to his house tonight. It might be friendly, but for this socially awkward freak it's terrifying.
I keep drinking as I write this and I know that if I don't stop myself now this will turn into another long, boring ramble. Possibly ending in a suicide note or attempt like most of my drunken thoughts.
That last sentence just proved itself.
I need to stop writing now.
Oh and Rayya, I got the comments you left on my old post as I was writing this one: you just made me smile so much. You seriously snapped me out of my depressed mood. Thank you, I'm glad you're like me on the kissing guys front. I've never kissed a friend's brother, but I've kissed my friend's guy best friend. I don't know if you've ever noticed, but it literally causes so much beef (love that word) when someone kisses your male friend. I don't think my friend will ever forgive me. Guy best friends are like brothers for people with sisters, haha. Sorry I rambling crap now. I need to stop drinking now. Thank you.
L O L.. beef. I havent heard anyone use that word in a long time you made me laugh - glad I snapped you out of it, or maybe the ciders kicking in ? ;)
ReplyDeleteoh no.. about the friends best friend - oh well, fuck it things happen.. well i try to keep it under wraps hence why I had sex with one of her bro's and got off with the other two.. and they dont know. It makes me cringe when we are all in a room together (as you can imagine..)
that guy sounds like hes either over friendly (you know like those over excited dogs with their tongues out and tails wagging and leaping all over you?) or he fancies you. or hes a psycho and wants to kill you. i think the 1st or 2nd one.. but then you can never be sure about who is a potential murdering psychopath or not.. joking! i am sure he thinks you are wonderful just like we all do!
lots of love! <3 mwah x
I'm leaning towards the murdering psychopath idea, haha.
DeleteI have the mental image of an over friendly dog too, this just reminded me that I have 2 facebook messages and 4 texts from him to reply to. Woo, haha. I'm sure he's harmless, just trying to be nice.
Your comments always cheer me up so much, thank you.
I always love feeling like a lightweight, it does indeed mean you're empty...but then I always eat. Gotta switch the booze out, I'm sayin'. Okay and the boy sounds a little aggressive, watch out for that one. Is he hot at least???
ReplyDeleteTrue, I always eat loads when I'm drunk. I once tried binging and purging while really drunk, and the hangover the next day was just so dreadful that I've had to admit defeat at beating the drunken food demon.
DeleteAnd no, he's not particularly hot. I mean he's not disgusting or anything, but he's pretty average as stalker-y guys go, haha.
I could use a good drink but I worked too hard to get that scale finally down some.
ReplyDeleteI would be weirded out if some guy I just met kept texting me constantly. I hope he is at least talking about something interesting.
He's quite boring to talk to, but to be fair I'm trying to get him to stop texting so I'm being so blunt it's impressive he's still finding conversation starters. Haha.
DeleteI wish there was a 0 calorie alcohol. I would actually drink that none stop.