I weigh 144 lbs this morning.
Although I'm still not 100% sure the scales are accurate as I couldn't possibly have gained that much weight so quickly, it's so high that I finally have the complete motivation to do something about it. I'm actually so disgusted that I weigh so much that I feel physically sick. I just went downstairs, and was thinking about lunch, when I realised I wasn't even slightly hungry, and the thought of eating made me want to throw up. I can't wait for my weight to start going down. I'm not sure how long it will take for me to start making a noticable change, but I really hope it starts showing soon.
I also self harmed for the first time since my sister was hospitalised in January, yesterday.
I realised how much a missed it. But if I want to be perfect, I know I'm going to have to kick the habit. By the time my scars have faded I really hope I will have lost a significant amount of weight. Or maybe I'll just keep on self harming until I reach my goal weight, I'll be too worthless for anyone to take notice of until then anyway. I do like the way it looks on my arm; red has been my favourite colour since I started cutting 4 years ago. Even when I stopped self harming, if I was really down and depressed, I used to draw lines on my arm in red pen. Just looking at the lines afterwards would make me feel better.
I think I'm going to find as many workout videos online as I can. Since I don't have much work to do this weekend, I might as well try and lose as much weight and do as much exercise as possible.
Plenty of exercise, water and restricting normally does the trick :)Try not to cut sweetie, i sound like a complete hypocrite here...but i don't want you having as many scars as me >< xx
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'm trying to do all those. Today has been relatively successful other than the one meal my mum made me eat. I'm trying not to too often, but honestly I've already got so many scars it doesn't even matter anymore.
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