Today's been a pretty good day food wise.
- 2 pieces gum = 10 calories
- 2 rice cakes = 58 calories
- a mug of bouillon vegetable stock = 12 calories
I'm drinking the bouillon now with a spoon, so that it feels like I'm drinking soup.
I came so close to a binge, I got home from school and was about to toast a hot cross bun, when I saw it had 806 calories. That's ridiculous. So I moved on and was about to cook some instant noodles (418 calories), when I realised that bouillon will be just as filling, taste pretty much the same, but have next to no calories.
I'm quite proud of myself for being able to resist, but I do still wish I hadn't needed to eat anything at all.
I also told my friend about my self harming today, I really don't want to start again and get dragged back into the horrible depression that I was in last time. I don't really know what I expected my friend to say, but it didn't make me feel any better. Now I'm just paranoid she's going to tell her boyfriend who will tell everyone else, because that's what always happens.
I didn't tell her everything though, she asked if it had any link to how little I've been eating recently, I know if I tell her anything she'll start hassling me, so I told her the stress was making me lose my appetite completely. I wish.
I've got my A levels coming up, and being stressed always makes me starving.
I hope I can keep control, summer's so close, and I still have so far to go.
I'm also looking for a text buddy for motivation, and to listen to and help keep us both on track.
If anyone lives in the UK who reads this wants to be my text buddy, please let me know.
It's good you told your friend, now she can support you :) Just tell her you don't want anyone else knowing and make her promise, now you have support here and in the other part of your life :) xx
ReplyDeleteYeah, hopefully she doesn't tell anyone because that's not her business to share with anyone. And if she does you can obviously see she's not the type of friend you need.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'm already regretting telling her, she keeps asking me endless questions, and telling me to ring her whenever I feel like doing it again. Which isn't helpful as half the time it's because of food (which I won't tell her about) or because of family or friends (which I can't tell her because she's the friend who screws me over most).
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