I'm fed up of being so socially awkward all the time.
I just can't talk to anyone, I feel like everyone is judging me all the time. Whenever anyone is laughing near me I feel like they must be laughing at me. I hate it.
My friends always laugh at me because I don't like talking to people, and get really self-conscious when they stare at me, so of course they've started staring at me on purpose so they can laugh at how paranoid I get. Fucking wonderful.
I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin. To not feel self-conscious every second of every day. To not have to worry if I have any noticable rolls of fat when I sit down, or if my legs are splayed out under me when I sit down.
I just want to feel pretty.
I just saw the photos of me from last night, where I was drunk enough to feel confident in what I was wearing. Big mistake.
I've had to untag myself from every photo, in all of them I either have a double chin, or my stomach is sticking out so far I look practically pregnant.
I just want to be skinny.

There are so many beautiful, skinny girls in my town. All the popular, nice, pretty girls are stick thin. Beautiful. I have a photo of an ex-close friend of mine, who now works for Hollister as a model and has been scouted by other modeling companies, in with my thinspiration pictures that I plan to print and stick on my wall. It's not fair that she can eat so much, and be so thin, and so bloody gorgeous.
I'm sure if I was actually skinny, we would never have drifted apart, and would still be friends. She kept in touch with other (skinnier) friends when she moved schools. If I'd have been worth it, not such an embarrassment for her to be seen with, I'm sure she would have stayed close friends with me too. She barely acknowledges me when she sees me now.
She's too perfect to notice I exist, just like everybody else I know.
I just want to be worth something. Is that really so much to ask?