Summer

My sister saw her counsellor today, apparantly her counsellor told her to make an effort to talk to me and make sure I'm okay, because it sounds like I'm 'cutting myself off from the family'.
I kind of wish I could see a counsellor too, my sister always comes back seeming relieved and saying how much better she feels now she's spoken to someone.
If my mum makes one more comment about how unaffected I am by everyone's illnesses I'm going to break down. Just because I go upstairs and lock myself in my room when I need to cry, doesn't mean I don't care. Just because I learnt to hide my cuts after dad laughed at me for self harming for 'attention', doesn't mean I'm an emotionless bitch. I go out and drink so often because I want to escape from this messed up family and forget about everything, not because I'm having a good time with my friends.
I wish she'd realise I need her to help me, not judge me and exclude me.

On the plus side I'm finding my diet slightly easier to stick to now. My friend is supporting me a lot, it's nice that I now feel like I can tell her 100% about what I'm doing. We even discussed how hard it is to make ourselves sick the other day. It may be completely fucked up, but I'm not alone anymore.
Because my other friends always get stressy when I skip lunch, she's promised to spend all lunchtimes with me, we're going to revise in the library, because that way we can't eat, and no one can tell us not to revise.

It's the official first day of Spring today. 3 months approximately until summer. That's about 10 weeks.
I can do this. 10 weeks to lose 20/30 lbs. That should be so easy. That's about 4 lbs a week.
I went window shopping today for Summer festival outfits. I really like the bandeau top things, but you seriously can't wear them without a completely flat stomach, I might buy one when I have more money, to inspire to lose enough weight to wear it. I can't wait to go to festivals, I WILL be the skinny girl, wearing shorts, a crop top, knee highs and not looking like an idiot.