God knows what is hiding in those weak and sunken eyes.

I've felt so ill all day.
This morning I overslept by an hour and a half. Then woke up too quickly and barely got ready before rushing to school. Halfway to school my friend said our morning lessons were cancelled, and as I slowed down I realised how dizzy I was feeling. I almost collapsed on the spot. But I managed to walk back home, I ate some toasted fruit bread (115 calories), and then slept fully clothed in my boiling hot room for over six hours. Which is worryingly long considering I'd only just woken up.
Once I woke up again I had such a bad headache, and my throat is so sore. I'm pretty sure I've cut it, because everytime I cough I can taste blood, plus I realised the fingers I used to make myself sick over the weekend are my longest, sharpest nails. I barely even threw anything up, I wish I hadn't bothered now. It wasn't worth this pain. Plus the thought of making myself sick again makes me wince in pain.
I  told my mum I was ill, I obviously didn't tell her why my throat's sore, and she bought me chocolate milkshake to soothe my throat. I dread to think how many calories there must be in there.

Also, my male friend who I was drunk with and kissed on Saturday night, is actually being really sweet.
He was texting me for all of yesterday, neither of us mentioned the fact that we'd kissed though, but he was being so sweet, not pervy, not annoying, just funny and friendly.
I hate myself for assuming he must be using me. For the first hour we were texting I was assessing all of his texts for signs that he was using me. But everything he said was just friendly. It took me most of the day to realise he might genuinely like me.
I wish I wasn't so messed up.

Also, just a small positive note: my sister's boyfriend has come down from university to stay for three weeks, and he eats so much. If there's anything I feel like I might binge on, I just leave it out somewhere noticable, and within hours either him or my sister will have eaten it. It's so easy to avoid food, they eat everything nice, so even when I feel like snapping and binging on something, there's nothing worth eating, so I don't bother.
I wish he was here all the time. I'll not looking forward to my sister going to university this September, if she's well enough to sit her exams this summer, because once she's gone my mum might finally realise I'm not eating hardly any of the food she buys us. My sister's illness distracts the whole family's attention from me. When she goes I'll no longer be in the background. I don't think I want the attention, I like being able to disappear without anyone noticing..